Remember My Name
by shinigami sakura2000
Summary: When Hayate notices his friend acting different after he regains his memories and tries to find out what's wrong, only to find that the problem is something he least expected and may not be able to fix. Past Hayate/Ryu and maybe some future Hayate/Ryu
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I haven't written a DOA fic in a while and I wanted to try something different with this fic, so I hope everyone enjoys it!

Disclaimer: I do not own DOA. If I did Hayate/Ryu would seriously be canon or at least implied.

Summary: When Hayate notices his friend acting different after he regains his memories and tries to find out what's wrong, only to find that the problem is something he least expected and may not be able to fix. Past Hayate/Ryu and maybe some future Hayate/Ryu

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><p>Something had been bothering Hayate since his memories had returned. He had taken his place as the rightful leader of the Mugen Tenshin clan, and at the moment, everything had been somewhat calm. Yet, something was still off and he knew that it had something to do with his best friend, but he just couldn't figure out what it was.<p>

Ryu had been acting strangely since he had found out that Hayate's memory had fully returned. He had grown distant and his visits to the village had become few and far between. He was worried about his friend, but no one he talked to could shed any light on what the problem was.

Hayate sighed and stood up. He couldn't concentrate or focus when all he could think about was Ryu. He couldn't even relax enough to meditate! The sound of the door sliding open drew his attention to his sister. "Ayane? What are you doing here? I thought you had a mission to take care of?"

The purple haired girl nodded. "My mission is done. I was just coming to report back to you."

Hayate nodded. "Thank you. If that is all you may take your leave now."

Ayane hesitated and instead stepped further into the the room, closing the door behind her. "...I have also just returned from the Hayabusa village."

Hayate couldn't stop the surprise that he knew shown on his face. He was afraid to go himself, as he felt that it would just make things worse between them. "How is Ryu doing?" he asked softly.

Instead of answering his question, she replied with one of her own. "Hayate...are you sure your memory has completely returned?"

"Wha—what? Of course it has! What does that have to do with anything?"

Apparently Ayane didn't seem to hear him, as she just sighed and muttered. "I guess he doesn't remember after all."

Hayate began to grow angry. He thought everything was back to normal. He thought he had his life back, but now he finds out there may still be some things that were missing. That didn't sit right with him at all. "What do I not remember?"

"It isn't my place to say. If you want to know that, you need to go see Hayabusa-sama."

"Please..." That stopped Ayane dead in her tracks. She had never heard her brother beg before. "Anything that will help me understand. I need to know something that could help me fix this."

Ayane looked at him sadly, "Didn't you notice anything different about how Hayabusa-sama was acting? Like he was waiting for something? Especially if he was with you?"

Realization flashed over Hayate's face. That described Ryu's behavior perfectly. At first, Hayate just wrote it off as friendly concern. Then came the looks with the emotions that Hayate couldn't recognize, the touches that lingered for just a few seconds longer than normal, and the moments where it seemed like his usually stoic friend would have so much he would want to say but would freeze right before the words would fall from his lips.

Then it all just seemed to stop.

There were no more looks or touches and Ryu seemed to always remain silent unless it was absolutely necessary to speak to him. Their friendly spars grew farther and farther apart and it had been weeks since he had seen his friend. He missed the closeness they shared, the closeness that he had somehow managed to ruin.

"What do I need to do to fix this, Ayane?"

"Go talk to him. That's the only way any of this can even begin to get fixed."

Hayate nodded. "Please tell my father where I've gone." Ayane nodded as she watched her brother disappear.

"I really hope this can be fixed." She said softly to herself as she closed the door to Hayate's room behind her.

Hayate stood frozen outside of Ryu's home. It had always brought up fond memories for him from back when they were children. He had to smile as he thought about all of the times they played there. He slowly walked the through the doors and followed the familiar halls, until he found Ryu's room. He hesitated again. _What if he doesn't want to see me? What if I really do make things worse?_

He tried to push those thoughts aside as he knocked gently on the doors. "Ryu...It's me Hayate. Can I come in?"

The silence inside the room seemed to last forever, and just as Hayate turned to walk away he heard a soft but slurred, "Come in."

Hayate slid the door open and stepped inside and froze at what he saw. His best friend was surrounded by multiple bottles of sake, and from the smell of the room it was very strong. As looked in the corner of the room he felt his heart break into small pieces. Ryu sat slumped against the wall. Hair unkempt, eyes red, skin pale and still dressed in his uniform which at some parts was torn and others caked with dirt. He looked like he hadn't moved in days and seeing him like that made Hayate want to rush over and hold him in his arms.

The dragon ninja's bleary eyed gaze locked onto him. "What are you doing here Hayate? I know you have much that needs to be done back in the village."

"I wanted to come see you. I haven't seen you in so long and I wanted to know that you were alright."

Ryu grabbed one of the bottles and took a drink. "I'm completely fine." He said coolly. "Now won't you please just leave."

Hayate began to step out of the room and leave as quickly as he could. He didn't want to believe that something he did changed his friend so much. _Go see him. It's the only way this can even begin to get fixed._ Ayane's words rang through his head and he turned back and began picking up all of the sake bottles and cleaning up the room.

"I can't leave, my friend. Not until we talk." It wasn't like Ryu to drink. Not even when his clan was massacred did Hayate see him drink any alcohol to help ease the pain. "I want to know what's hurt you so badly, so maybe I could help ease your pain."

"My pain...you want to help ease my pain, when you're the one that caused it!" Ryu shouted, as he stood up and marched over to Hayate. "I don't need anything else from you!"

Hayate looked at him in shock. Ryu's words were exactly what he didn't want to hear. He was hoping that it wasn't him and now that he found out that it was, he didn't know what to do to fix it.

"How did I hurt you?" he asked softly.

Not many things scared Hayate, but the angry growl that answered him stuck instant fear into his heart, but Ryu's answer wasn't full of anger or shouting. In fact, Hayate had to strain his ears just to hear what he had said. "What did I do to you, Ryu?"

Ryu had looked away from him, focusing on the ground rather than look into Hayate's eyes. "You forgot. You forgot everything."

Hayate's eyes widened. _That _was the was I the problem? Ryu was upset about him losing his memory? But it couldn't be. He was the one who helped him get it back. Why would he still be upset?

"Ryu, my memories have returned, you know that. You were the one that told me what I needed to do to get them back."

"You don't understand! Your memory came back, but you still forgot." Ryu walked back over to his corner and slumped down again. "I guess those memories weren't important enough to be brought back."

Hayate knelt in front of his friend. He was deeply confused. It didn't feel like anything was missing. He knew who everyone was, what had made him lose his memory to begin with, he knew everything. Before he could ask more questions, Ryu spoke again.

"At first, I thought you were faking it. I thought that acting like you didn't remember was your way of telling me that we were through. That you didn't want me anymore."

"What? I-I could never..."

Ryu just ignored Hayate and continued on. "But as time went on I realized that you weren't faking and that you really didn't know, but for some reason, the fact that you didn't know hurt more than the thought of you pretending."

"Ryu please! What don't I know?" he shouted desperately.

"That we used to be lovers!" Ryu had finally looked at him again. His cheek streaked with tears and his eyes filled with ones that had yet to fall. "We used to be lovers." he said again, though this time much softer and sadder.

Hayate couldn't speak. He didn't know what he could say that would make Ryu feel any better. This was the last thing he was expecting him to say. There was no way they could have been lovers and Hayate not remember. There was no way he would allow memories as precious as those to slip away forever.

"Ryu...I don't know what to say. I mean I really don't remember any of that. Is there anything I can-"

"Don't! I don't need your pity. It's not like that would bring back my Hayate. Nothing else I did worked."

Then it dawned on him. All the touches and looks. All of that was... "to get me to remember." Hayate said softly to himself. He knelt in front of Ryu and held him tightly to his chest. He felt the dragon ninja struggling as he tried to escape his hold, before finally giving up and going limp in his arms.

"Don't do this to me Hayate." he whispered. "You're only doing this to make me feel better. Not because you really want me."

Hayate released him and held Ryu firmly by shoulders, forcing their eyes to lock."You're right. I don't want you. Not in the way you want me to." The hurt in Ryu's was so strong that he instantly wanted to take the words back and do his best to soothe his friend, but he knew this needed to be said, or Ryu's pain would never start to fade.

"But won't you at least let me try?"

Ryu pushed him away forcefully, knocking the other man on his back. "I—I don't...you shouldn't force your self to do this. We can just go back to being friends. I don't want you to force yourself to be with me when it's not what you really want."

"How do you know what I want?" Hayate shouted as he stood. "I may not remember anything that we shared before, but I do know that these last few weeks were pure hell! Knowing that you were avoiding me and to find out it was because of something I did hurt me to no end. I do love you Ryu. Can't you give me some time to figure out what kind of love it is?"

Ryu didn't want to hear this. He wanted Hayate back, but he wanted _his _Hayate back. What his friend was saying was so alien to him, even if this was what part of him truly wanted, he didn't know if he could except it.

Hayate had continued speaking, his voice laced with sadness, regret and what Ryu would have swore was the tiniest bit of hope. "I want to try. I really do, and while I can't promise that things will be the same as before, I can at least try to make them better than they are now right?"

Ryu just remained silent. He walked over to the door to his room and held it open. "Hayate, please just go. You've said enough. I just want to be alone now."

Hayate sighed but nodded his head. "Fine. I understand." As he walked passed Ryu, he leaned in and quickly placed light kiss on his lips before he could react. "I'll see you later Ryu."

Ryu watched Hayate leave in shock. He suddenly wanted to call out to him, to make him come back, but he couldn't. His pride wouldn't let him. As much as he hated to say it, he couldn't move on. Even when Hayate had offered him everything he had lost, he couldn't accept it, because it wouldn't be the same. Even though Hayate wanted to make him feel better and wanted to love him, Ryu still rejected him, and because of that rejection, he may have just watched the best thing in his life possibly walk away from him for good.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I started writing this chapter a while ago and it got put on the back burner for a while. Most of this chapter is flashbacks but I tried to make them good flashbacks :) so I hope everyone enjoys this!

Disclaimer: I still do not own DOA. If I did Hayate/Ryu would seriously be canon or at least implied.

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><p>Ayane knew something was wrong as soon as Hayate returned from the Hayabusa village. He seemed to have become much more distant since he had left and now she could feel an aura of pure sadness and anger around him. Right now wasn't the time for her to be his subordinate. Right now it was time for her to be his sister.<p>

"Hayate...did everything go well with your visit to Master Ryu?" She asked gently.

The shinobi in question just sighed and continued to walk passed her. "I don't feel like talking about it now. Please leave me be."

She followed him as he walked back into the village. "Please talk to me. I know something bad happened during your visit and I just want the chance to help. I know you don't want Master Ryu to be hurt anymore than he is now!"

Her words brought an instant change of emotion in Hayate. He went from depressed to furious in seconds. He turned on Ayane, his eyes blazing in anger and hurt as he shouted, "Silence! Don't speak about things you have no clue about! This is between Ryu and myself! Do you understand?!"

"...Yes, but I also remember what the two of you were like before you lost your memory. I saw how happy you both were and it was nothing like this.

Hayate froze in his tracks. "You knew...You knew about the two of us and never told me?"

Ayane averted her gaze and focused on something in the forest. "It wasn't my place to tell, especially since I found out about the two of you accidentally."

_Ayane hated coming to the main village. All it ever seemed to do was remind her that she would always be different and never accepted no matter how much she wished it. She was glad that she would only be here for a short while as she only had to deliver to a message to Hayate, which was a good and bad thing as she enjoyed seeing him._

_She walked through the village calmly, her head held high, as she refused to the pay attention to the stares and glares the villagers gave her. She was here on a mission and that was more important than what any of those worthless people thought they knew of her._

_She quickly approached the waterfall valley where she knew Hayate enjoyed training. She saw him in a secluded spot at the base of the waterfall and headed that way only to freeze in her tracks as she got closer. _

_Hayate wasn't alone._

_Ayane quickly hid in the trees as she watched the scene in front of her unfold. Hayate had Ryu pinned against a tree and was kissing him passionately. The super ninja's arms were wrapped loosely around Hayate's shoulders as he returned the kisses with equal passion. When they finally managed to break for air, Ayane strained to hear them speak._

"_You know we shouldn't be doing this here." Ryu said breathlessly. "Anyone could stumble upon us."_

"_Relax Ryu, " Hayate said as he stole another kiss. "No one ever comes this deep into the valley, so we're perfectly safe. Besides, where else can we go? We can't use my room in the village after Kasumi almost walked in on us a few weeks ago."_

_Ryu couldn't help but blush at the memory. They had managed to break apart just in time as the screen to the room slid open and Kasumi stepped in to greet them. After that, they had agreed using Hayate's room had become just a little too risky. "I know that. I just wish we didn't always have to be out in the open."_

"_Then do you want to go to your village then?" Hayate asked teasingly. Amused at Ryu's horrified look he continued on, "Your father would be on us in seconds and I don't want to even think how that one would turn out." He leaned in close to Ryu and spoke barely above a whisper, his lips lightly brushing over the shinobi's ear as he spoke, "Especially with the way you can never keep your voice down when we're together, and I refuse to let anyone hear you like that besides me."_

_Ryu shivered at the heated tone in his lover's voice. He quickly pulled Hayate close to him and kissed him deeply, his blood burning by the passion of his lover's words. He pulled back when the need for air became too great, leaving Hayate to follow him for another and said with a playfulness that was only known to the other shinobi, "Well then, maybe we should make good use of the spot while we have it."_

Hayate was in shock. There was no way! What Ayane had told him couldn't possibly be real. The Ryu he knew now was nothing at all like the one in her story. "Please don't lie to me." Hayate whispered numbly. "That story can't be true. With everything that's happened since then, could I really manage to forget something so peaceful?"

Ayane walked a bit ahead of him, trying to avoid his sad and confused gaze. "I can tell you another if you want, if you can handle it. It seemed after that first time, I had a habit of finding you together. I guess after what happened it turned out to be a good thing."

"Please tell me...I have to know everything I've missed. No matter how much it may hurt."

Ayane sighed deeply as she turned back to look at her brother. "Well if you say so. It was after the massacre..."

_Hayate had left for the village as soon as he heard the news that Ryu had returned from his journey. His lover needed him more than ever right then. He couldn't believe it when Ayane told him it was Murai that was behind the massacre of his own clan and wanted to be by Ryu's side whether the dragon ninja wanted him there or not._

_He found Ryu at Kureha's grave, staring intently at the Eye of the Dragon sitting on her tombstone. Hayate walked up to his lover as silently as he could before gently placing a hand on his shoulder. The slight flinch he saw when he touched Ryu showed just how far away his mind was at that moment._

"_Ryu...I am so sorry." _

_There was silence between the two of them before Ryu finally spoke, "Come on. Let's get back to the village. They probably need some help rebuilding."_

_With that the Dragon Ninja disappeared, leaving empty space and a confused and dejected Hayate behind._

_Hayate decided to stay for a few more days, but Ryu's behavior didn't show any change_

_and he was starting to become worried. He knew the path of a shinobi was a tough and often times cruel path, but it slowly killed him inside to see Ryu so hurt and yet still pretend that hew was fine. Didn't Ryu know by now that he didn't have to hide when it came to him?_

_It was on third night when something finally broke. They had been sleeping in Ryu's room in the rebuilt dragon castle, when Hayate noticed sharp movements from the body beside him. Hayate rolled over to to see Ryu sitting up in bed, panting harshly as if he had just sprinted to the peak of the mountain._

"_Ryu." Hayate reached out a hand to soothe him and his skin was damp and cool to the touch. That must have been some nightmare. "Ryu please talk to me." He sat up and wrapped his arms around the panting form._

_It seemed like hours, but was only a few moments when the person in his arms showed any sign of hearing him. Hands slowly reached behind Hayate and returned the embrace hesitantly, blunt nails griping tightly at his skin as if he could disappear at any moment._

"_I still see them. Every night I still see their faces in my head and hear them being cut down."_

_Hayate held him tighter, "Ryu..."_

"_And then I see Kureha, I was so close and still unable to save her! One of the most important people in my life and I could do nothing for her!"_

"_Ryu! Stop this right now!"_

_The commanding tone in his voice made Ryu freeze. He very rarely had that part of Hayate focused on him, and even through his grief and anger, it made sit up and take notice._

"_You failed no one! You avenged every single one of your fallen comrades and Kureha and brought honor to their memory. That is all you can do." He finished solemnly._

_Ryu remained silent, but finally relaxed into Hayate's hold, "Thank you. Would...would you mind-"_

"_I'll do whatever you want Ryu. All you have to do is ask."_

_Ryu took a deep breath, attempting to get his emotions back under the iron grip he usually held them, but soon gave up and whispered, "Stay, please just stay here a little longer. I don't want to do this on my own."_

_Hayate just held him tighter, "Then you won't have to."_

_The two shinobi in the room where completely wrapped up within each other. Ryu trying to keep memories of the dark dragon blade incident at bay and Hayate trying to help him get passed them. That's why the crimson eyes staring at them outside the window went unnoticed by them both. Ayane smiled at them before disappeared in a swirl of sakura blossoms._

"Your father had asked me to check on you since you had been gone for much longer than he thought you should be. I told him you were you were being delayed because you were helping to rebuild the village, and with master Jou still gone and the Hayabusa numbers so few, he understood and let the matter be." She explained.

"Many of the times I visited the village after my memory came back, I found him at Kureha's gravestone and thinking he wanted to be alone, I would just leave him there. Each time that happened I could feel him growing more distant toward me, but could not understand why." A look of shock and realization suddenly crossed his face and he had to lean against one of the trees to keep himself standing. "Everything really is my fault isn't it?! I kept driving him away with everything I said and did. No wonder he doesn't want me back."

Ayane sighed and wrapped her brother in a hug, "You were different then. It's not your fault this happened. You didn't have them wipe your memories on purpose."

"I know that! Still...I can't leave things like this. There has to be something I can do. There has to be some way for me to make things right! I have to go back and talk to him! I don't want to lose what I have with him now..."His voice had taken on a tone of pleading, something that Ayane had never heard in the past. She knew he wanted to help his friend, but this was a delicate situation, something that all of his shinobi training had never prepared him for.

"Hayate you need give him some time. He's still hurting too. When you told him you didn't remember anything, his worst fears were confirmed. He had just lost one of the few people he really loved in this world, even for an experienced shinobi, that takes a long time to accept and work through. Maybe...maybe you shouldn't go see him for a while." At the look of pure anger on Hayate's face, she quickly continued to speak, "Give him some time to let everything sink in."

Hayate sighed and started back down the path to the village, "That's just the problem Ayane. I've lost too much time." As he looked back at her, Ayane was shocked to see just the pure sadness and regret trapped in her brother's eyes. The longer she stared at him, the more she could feel her heart begin to break. "And I don't want to lose anymore."

She watched him disappear with a heavy heart. They had both lost so much, and she couldn't imagine how it felt for both of them to feel like they were losing, or had completely lost, each other. There had to be something she could do. She thought from telling Hayate about the two of them, it would trigger some memories, something that could give Ryu-sama some comfort. _Maybe this was for the best._ She thought as she continued back to the village. Maybe if the two of them could finally move on from the past, they could find a new future together.

When Hayate returned to the village, he quickly returned to his room. He found himself staring intently at one of his most important possessions. When he first regained his memories, he was too happy about the fact that he had this and didn't worry to much about where it had came from or what possessed him to get it done.

It was a photograph.

Not a photograph made with one of the more high tech digital cameras that most people used today, but a black and white photo. Something coming straight from an antique. He remembers the few times he went with Ryu to his antique shop. He remember looking around in childlike awe at some of the objects and even remembers the camera that would have been used to take the photo, but he never remembers actually taking it or them looking as happy as they do in the photo.

It was taken in the shop and they stood together, his arm wrapped around Ryu's shoulders and with Ryu's head resting on his shoulder. It was one of the few times that he could see Ryu smile, looking like they didn't have a care in the world. He knew now why this photo was so important to him and why he couldn't remember having taken it. He picked it up and grasped it tightly to his chest.

"Ryu I promise you...I will fix this between us." He glanced down at the photo once more and ran his fingers gently across Ryu's face. "You deserve it. You deserve to be happy for once."


End file.
